10 best Oscar jokes from Jimmy Kimmel, and his targets, ranked

First-time Oscar host Jimmy Kimmel had jokes about everyone Sunday, and as you might expect, more than a couple about Matt Damon.

Our Top 10 picks:

10. “Time to see how well those Spanx actually work.”

— Kimmel, after bags of candy were air-dropped from the ceiling in parachutes. Later, he called for parachutes containing cookies and doughnuts. Wisely, he didn't go through with the coffee air-drop.

9. “I’m at the Oscars with Michael J. Fox and a DeLorean while wearing future shoes. All I have to do is sing The Schuyler Sisters song from Hamilton in front of the whole world and I’ll have completed my entire bucket list.”

— Seth Rogen before making his co-presenter join in on the “Angelica, Eliza and Peggy” line, much to Lin-Manuel Miranda's delight.

8. "From her mediocre early work in The Deer Hunter and Out of Africa to her underwhelming performances in Kramer vs. Kramer and Sophie's Choice, Meryl Streep has phoned it in for more than 50 films over the course of her lackluster career."

— Like Kimmel was going to let the award season end without riffing on President Trump’s infamous “Meryl Streep is overrated” tweet  after January's Golden Globes.

7. “Our next presenter is one of the stars of Hacksaw Ridge, which is nominated for best picture. It is the story of a conscientious objector who decides to work with Mel Gibson anyway.”

— Kimmel, introducing Vince Vaughn, who will always be associated with the phrase “you’re so money and you don’t even know it” thanks to his star-making turn in 1996’s Swingers.

6. "I'm just presenting. You can't play me off!"

— Matt Damon (who was introduced as a mere "guest") when co-presenting the original screenplay award with Ben Affleck. Adding insult to injury, the music started up before he was finished. The camera then cut to the orchestra, which was being conducted by — guess who? — Kimmel, who said, "Wrap it up, we wanna go home."

5. "Some of you will win and give a speech that the president of the United States will tweet about in all caps during his 5 a.m. bowel movement."

— Kimmel, explaining to winners how they would know they’ve really made it. (When Trump still hadn't tweeted 90 minutes into the show, the host actually worried whether he was OK.)

4. “He’s Denzel, so it’s legal.”

-- Kimmel after Denzel Washington was drafted into service to mock-pronounce Gary and Vicky, two engaged tour-bus passengers, husband and wife.”

3. “Very good, O.J., you get an extra slice of bologna tonight.”

— Kimmel, thanking the incarcerated subject of Oscar-winning documentary O.J: Made in America

2. "Matt (Damon) did something very unselfish, and I want to commend him for it, for real. He handed what turned out to be an Oscar-caliber role over to his friend and made a Chinese ponytail movie instead. And that movie, The Great Wall, went on to lose $80 million. Smooth move, (expletive)."

— Kimmel, paying his longtime faux rival a compliment, the only way he knows how — backhandedly

1. "I blame Steve Harvey!"

— Kimmel, referencing the Miss Universe host's famous gaffe after best-picture presenters Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway read the wrong envelope and pronounced the winner as La La Land when it was actually Moonlight.

And that was no joke.